David Feltner, a junior in the College of Technology, is battling his third occurrence of cancer since high school. At Monday night’s chapter meeting, Feltner announced that his cancer returned and he would be dropping out of school immediately.

Instead of letting his hair fall out with the treatment, Feltner asked some of his best friends to shave his head. Jim Vasil, a senior in the School of Management, has known Feltner since he was born. As children they traveled on vacation together many times because their parents were best friends. Vasil was the first one to shave Feltner’s head.

“Emotionally, this was the biggest moment the brothers in the house have been a part of by far,” Vasil said. “He (Feltner) is very caring and tries to always make the best of the situation.”

Dan Cronin, president of Pi Kappa Phi and a senior in the College of Engineering, said to cheer Feltner up, they let him shave someone else’s head.

“Before we knew it, there were 40 guys with shaved heads,” Cronin said.

Mike Lolkus, a junior in the College of Science, said they had four different pairs of trimmers to cut all the brothers’ hair.

“It was emotional for us because we have all gotten to know him,” Lolkus said. “Everyone knows who Feltner is.”
By Sara Smith
Features Editor
Publication Date: 03/04/2010
For Full Story Click Here

I thought I knew who joined fraternities. Good-looking, confident guys who knew exactly where they fit in the food chain on campus. Big drinkers, hard partiers, popular with women. Rowdy young men who played high school sports, yelled a lot, and painted their bodies for football games. Guys with expendable cash whose fathers would give them jobs when, and if, they graduated.

I was none of these things, so I had no interest in being anywhere near them.

Then, I met…

John, a guy who was dating his high school sweetheart (and would later marry her and have four kids) who wanted to have fun without feeling awkward about planning to marry the first girl he’d ever been with. Rudy, a member of the exiled royal family of Sri Lanka, who cared a lot about fitting in somewhere in spite of his wealth. Mike, a skinny, hysterical, effeminate guy from the inner city who had grown up without a dad and who could do the best Michael Jackson imitation I have ever seen.

I met Tom, an amazing artist, who dressed funny, smoked smelly cigarettes, wrote poetry, and who almost made me like classical music. There was Darrell, a kid who looked like he just climbed down off a tractor who could crack me up with one farmer’s grin. Brian was from a big family and needed a certain level of chaos around him to feel safe. Aaron, the first Jewish person I ever befriended, who helped me pull a C- in Calculus that I completely didn’t deserve.

There was Rick, the identical twin, who was getting his first chance to make a name for himself as an individual and not as part of a pair, because his brother went to a different school. Eric, a young man who made me walk with him to the bookstore, who bought my books for me, and who told me I could pay him back when my loan money came in.

I think about Christian, a big bear who came from a family of teachers, and who dreamed of being a football coach. Jason who sat in the lounge and cried the night a Democrat won the governor’s seat because he thought it was the worst thing that had ever happened. John, his best friend and roommate, who ran to his room, put on a campaign t-shirt for the Democrat, then returned to the lounge to ask Jason why he was crying.

Brett called everyone “buddy.” Mike who surprised no one five years later when he became a priest. Rob, whose parents were in the middle of a really, really ugly divorce. Dan had been abused drugs and alcohol in high school, had gotten clean, and needed a place where his friends would call him on any questionable behavior.

In the last two decades, I’ve met fraternity brothers from my chapter and others of every shape, background, skin color and background. I’ve met Democrats, Republicans, Libertarians, Socialists. I’ve met guys with disabilities and guys who were natural, remarkable athletes. Brothers who talked very little and ones that wouldn’t shut up. Chunky fellas with bad hair and acne, and others who were hot like movie stars. I’ve had brothers who did things they weren’t proud of, and others who brought tears to my eyes with their amazing acts of generosity. I’ve met guys who drank too much, guys who didn’t drink at all, and guys who always made sure you had a sober ride home. Religious boys who loved Jesus, and gay boys who loved Madonna. And yes, guys who painted their bodies for football games.

The only thing I can tell you about the men who join fraternities - the only thing that they’ve all universally had in common - was their openness to being part of a family. Because, that’s what a fraternity is. It’s a family. A place where you argue, and have fun together, and get mad at each other, kill time together, and enable each other’s best and worst impulses. A place where a guy you don’t like that much is still your brother, and you find a way to make it work.

We’ve done a poor job of telling people about this. We let the images of buffoonery become the reality that people have about fraternities. It’s not houses with letters on them, it’s not party t-shirts, it’s not pranks, or paddles, or any of that other bullshit.

Fraternity is a situation where a guy who doesn’t fit in very well, who doesn’t look the part, who doesn’t get along with his dad, or who worries a lot can feel comfortable. It’s this space where you feel valued, and cared about, and safe during a time of your life when absolutely everything feels uncertain.

If you’ve experienced brotherhood like that, then you understand it. If you don’t, it’s never too late. And, if you’re thinking about it, you’d be a fool not to jump at it.

Interested in reading more of T.J.’s blog?  Visit The Apathy Myth.

Novak is participating in the Journey of Hope, a 4,000-mile ride from San Francisco to Washington, D.C., to raise money and awareness for people with disabilities.

Twenty-eight members from Pi Kappa Phi fraternity pedaled up to the steps of the Old Capitol on Tuesday morning after a 30-mile trip south through the rain from Cedar Rapids. The cyclists, who are members of different fraternity chapters from across the nation, began their trek June 14 and will arrive Aug. 15 on the East Coast.

“It’s been amazing to be able to cross the Missouri River, and see the homeland and rolling hills, and pretty much be home and surrounded by family and friends from the university,” said Novak, a finance major from Decorah.

The group, which averages 75 miles a day on their bikes, is making stops at cities across the nation where they meet with disabled people and the organizations that help them. Each cyclist has raised $5,000, and in total, between the Journey of Hope’s three separate teams that are taking different routes across the U.S., the group has raised more than $500,000 this year for the fraternity’s nonprofit charity, Push America.  At Tuesday’s stop, the cyclists planned to have dinner with the Mayor’s Youth Empowerment Program. In other cities along the way, they’ve played wheelchair basketball against Paralympians, organized baseball games with children, hosted dance parties and put on puppet shows about living with disabilities. On Monday in Cedar Rapids, they visited the city’s flood-damaged areas.

Bryan Janzig, a Washington State student and a member of the Journey of Hope support team that travels along with the cyclists, says their group brings a positive message about living with a disability as well as raising money for people with disabilities.

“The big thing we’re trying to spread is empathy and not sympathy, where we meet them where they’re at and try to understand what is going on,” Janzig said. “Our big thing is empowering them to realize that people with disabilities have abilities, and they can do pretty much anything anyone else can do, they just have to find a new way to do it and work a little harder to do it.”

For Novak, who will have just a week off before the start classes at UI once he finishes the ride, it’s been a memorable summer.

“To say that it’s life-changing would probably be an understatement,” Novak said. “To ride every day for 80 miles, even though it’s really hard on the road, to get off that bike and see the smiling faces, people with disabilities, it’s just like the road doesn’t even matter that day. Being able to interact with people has been an amazing experience.”

Story Reported by Iowa City Press Citizen

This is a big step. The process of considering a fraternity should be a fun and eventful process where you are meeting new people, learning about the chapter, and considering whether you feel like the chapter members are men with whom you can work and live.

At no point during the recruitment or new member process should you feel pressured to make any decision too quickly. Joining a fraternity truly is a lifelong commitment that will become much more than “something I did during college”. The fraternity community can be an intimidating thing. Large groups, chants, unfamiliar letters, and common misconceptions can make these groups seem aloof and removed from the everyday campus experience. In fact, fraternities constitute one of the most important parts of campus life and are comprised of some of the top students on campus.

There are several ways to actually go about joining a chapter. Some campuses have formal recruitment, some have “rush” weeks, others have a completely open process that allows chapters and individuals to make decisions on their own time. Let’s cover a couple of the most common.

THE RELATIONSHIP

Fraternities are societal by nature.  You will see the men around campus, in your classrooms, at a hall meeting, or out around the community.  If the fraternity has a quality recruitment program in place then the first step would be to communicate with one of the guys about what it means to be a fraternity.  Odds are he will be able to answer a lot of your questions if you express some interest in his chapter.  Keep your mind open and don’t feel pressured to join right away.  He’ll probably want to introduce you to some of the other guys in the chapter.  Take advantage of this time to learn about what the chapter values and measure whether these guys have some of the same interests as you.

FORMAL RECRUITMENT

Many colleges and universities still have a systematic method of introducing students to the fraternity community.  Formal recruitment is a “marked” time (usually at the beginning of the semester) when each fraternity on campus holds events in an attempt to teach potential joiners what the fraternity community and their chapter is like.  The advice from the NIC would be to keep an open mind through this process and truly be honest with yourself about what you see.  You are not going to join an organization because they gave out the best chicken wings at formal recruitment.  Measure your decision by using your own personal values and the values of the organization.

GREEK ADVISOR

On most campuses there is a professional staff person who is responsible for working with the fraternities.  This position is most commonly referred to as the Greek Advisor but may also be called a Director of Greek Life, Associate Director, or Dean.  Usually the office of Greek Life is located with campus activities and the other student organizations in the student union.  You can also utilize your college or university website and search for “Greek Life” or “fraternity”.  The Greek or Fraternity and Sorority Life Professional on your campus is a great resource who can give you insight into each fraternity and help you make the decision that best fits you.

BUDDY SYSTEM

You will make friends from your first step onto campus.  You’ll find men who are seeking an avenue through which to settle into the college experience.  Many men join a fraternity because they decided to go through the recruitment process with a friend.  It also may be the case that once you get to know some of the guys in the chapter that you want to introduce the chapter to your roommate.  This is completely normal and, actually encouraged!

Interfraternity Council (IFC)

On most campuses the fraternities have an advocacy body called the IFC.  Whether they call themselves the governing body or something different this group is comprised of all the chapters on campus and seeks to ensure that fraternities have a common voice and stand by the same standards.  The IFC can be a great resource to learn about how the fraternities are involved in the community and on campus.  Your campus Greek Advisor should be able to put you into contact with the IFC.  They should also be listed on the website and in the campus directory.

Trust me…this is the time to be selfish.  Ask self serving questions like “How much time will I need to put in?” and “What type of scholarship programs does the chapter offer?”  If you aren’t satisfied with the answers, SAY SO!  And then, ask some more.  You should not be surprised or caught off guard when you begin the pledge or new member process.  The period of time before initiation is used to teach about the fraternity history, the values, traditions, and uniqueness.

What’s Next?

Remember that there is a wealth of information out there about fraternities and the chances are strong that during your first few weeks on campus you will see a lot of marketing materials around campus.  If you’re thinking to yourself that I didn’t specifically answer your question then you’re probably right.  There are around 800 campuses that host fraternities and each one has its own special culture and traditions.  I would encourage you to ask around, to gather plenty of information, and to make an informed decision about joining.  Should you have general questions please don’t hesitate to contact us at the NIC, at 317-872-1112 or nic@nicindy.org.

Please don’t re-write your constitution and bylaws.  If you want to re-do it then just call the NIC and say “Can you please send me the Model Constitution”.  That’s all, just ask us and we’ll send it to you.  It’s a document that works and that I guarantee if fully implemented will lead to higher functioning councils and chapters.  But wait, if you email the NIC (www.nicindy.org or me at Pendry@nicindy.org) and ask for the constitution and then you get it, what are you going to do with the other 11 months, 3 weeks, and 6 days of your office?  Well Sir, that is where you have to look to a couple of other documents; your ritual, and your job description.

I would submit to you that your bylaws are fine.  An amendment here and there or a striking down of a couple of the 17 officers you have may be in order but a leader who spends ¾ of his term re-writing the damn bylaws is NOT a leader.  This is someone who is scared to look at the hazing, the alcohol abuse, the lack of engagement at the IFC/chapter meeting, and call it for what it is…CANCER.

If you have identified problems in your chapter then you have discovered cancer and you have several options at your disposal for getting rid of it.  One of these options is NOT a fine or an amendment to the officer position requirements.  The problems in your chapter are manifested in and by the humans in your chapter and you, as a member who wants your chapter to live past this semester have a duty to respond to the cancer.  Confrontation.  Accountability.  Responsibility.  These words are not ones that you need a constitution to uphold.  These words are about who you are as a fraternity man and what is expected of you by your organization.  There are many folks who are very sick of the inaction.  And I think you are one of those people.  Don’t do nothing & don’t think that a revision of your by-laws is going to solve your recruitment, education, initiation, accountability, financial, alcohol-soaked problems.

The resources are your disposal are too numerous to count.  You have an entire inter/national fraternity that exists to provide YOU with support.  You have a campus based fraternity/sorority professional who exists to provide you with support, AND you have the NIC, the entire internet, alumni, parents, and on and on and on.  The folks that surround you want your chapters to be successful!

SO…Succeed!

The fraternity social scene is visible and well known. Joining a fraternity does have advantages socially. You will meet new people and will be exposed to new cultures. Join a fraternity for the complete fraternity experience, not just to party. Remember that Animal House is a movie and GREEK is a TV show. Find out the real story by asking the brothers.

Hazing…

Every fraternity in the country has instituted a NO HAZING policy. If you are concerned then ask plenty of questions about the process. There is simply no place for hazing in fraternities. Hazing is detrimental to a positive college experience and will NOT be tolerated in the fraternity experience.

Women…

You will have the opportunity to meet countless new people when you join a fraternity. You will also have the opportunity to interact with the opposite sex. Respect and gentlemanly conduct toward women is a value of fraternities world-wide.

Fraternity Houses should be the safest place on a college campus for a woman…GET IT?!

Legacies…

Did your father, brother, uncle, or grandfather join a fraternity? You may want to join the same organization, or maybe not. If these men are valued resources to you then take advantage of their advice but understand that this is ultimately YOUR decision.

Want more information?  Visit our Myths page.